Yesterday and today have been a whirlwind of appointments. First, at 3:30pm yesterday, we met with a doctor at a well-known local fertility/reproductive clinic, who walked us through all the steps of the study and asked us questions to see if we were Good Candidates. He also explained the workings of the reproductive system in exhaustive detail, complete with charts and pictures. When he was explaining how the egg “migrates” to the uterus, I confess, I started to giggle a little.

“What’s funny?” he asked, and I knew with ominous certainty that giggling was not a quality of a Good Candidate. I explained apologetically that I had suddenly pictured the egg somewhere in Iowa, with a rucksack on a stick, trying to hop a boxcar for the uterus. He smiled thinly, and went on with the lecture. I stifled any further leaps of the imagination.

In the end, it turned out we were good candidates. Only one problem.

“We’re expecting an e-mail, maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday, telling us we’re not allowed to enroll any more people for this study.” He handed me a lab order sheet. “I need you to get these blood tests done immediately, and meet with the study coordinator tomorrow to sign consent forms.”

We rushed off to my regular OB/GYN to get the blood drawn, slipping into the office shamefacedly just as they were packing up to leave. Maybe out of pity, maybe out of duty, they stayed long enough to poke me with a needle and draw four or five vials.

This morning I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn to go meet with the study coordinator before I had to be at work. I initialed and signed four thousand pages of consent forms, and then gave her a bit of my medical history. And then we were done. And now I am in – at least through the screening process. No e-mail will come from above and snuff my chances at a free IVF cycle. Whether I’ll manage to snuff it myself through inappropriate humor has yet to be determined.

I leave you with this photo, taken in the bathroom at the fertility center.

See? Totally inappropriate.


1 Comment

  1. January 9, 2013 at 2:49 am

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