Excellent timing, uterus!

Got my period yesterday afternoon.  A nice big “HA!” from the reproductive system.

Sound and fury signifying nothing

I didn’t get my period.

When I went in for my appointment this morning, I fully expected the study coordinator to shake her head sadly and show me the door. But that didn’t happen. Instead, she did an ultrasound, and decided that my uterine lining was thin enough that they could start the IVF medication regimen today.

The nurse taught me how to use the injectable medication and the high-tech pen with the little clicky dial. Hearing the words “needle” and “stomach” in close proximity had led me to expect something fairly horrific, but in fact these needles are tiny, resembling nothing so much as a mosquito’s proboscis.

From the office, I went to the pharmacy, where I was given an ENORMOUS BAG full of folic acid, pre-natal vitamins, steroids, progesterone supplements (in two different dosages), antibiotics (one set for Mr. Malaprop, one for me), pain medication I can’t take (“I’m allergic to codeine!” “This isn’t codeine.” “No, but it’s closely related to codeine, and it will make me throw up. Trust me, I’ve been through this before.” “Well, take it home anyway, just in case you change your mind.” Sigh.), Valium, and a sharps container. And probably some other stuff too, but I can’t be expected to remember everything.

After all that panic, I’m feeling pretty damn crampy. I don’t know if it’s the drugs I was given this morning, or just my period deciding that now all the fuss is over, it might as well show up for the party.

oh help

so they delayed my period so we’d be safe to go to hawaii. and now it’s not coming back. and i’m not pregnant. and i will be eliminated from this clinical trial if it doesn’t come back today or tomorrow. which means i would not get the free ivf cycle. we can’t afford ivf.

i’m taking blue cohosh, false unicorn root, dong quai, and drinking a tea made of parsley, ginger, and basil. i have also put some sprigs of parsley inside my vagina as a pessary. all of these things are supposed to be emmenagogues – herbs to bring on a delayed period – but nothing’s happening.

i’m so fucking scared and sad.

Edit: Let’s just add to this the news that my best friend’s mother, who has been like a second mother to me since I was nine years old, is going into hospice care for her  metastasized breast cancer.

Fuck.

A little chat

me: can I whine for a minut?
minute?
can I spell? No.
C: course
me: So when I first went in for this IVF clinical trial thing, I told them my dates for Hawaii. “Oh, never mind,” they blithely sang, “worst case scenario we’ll give you something to delay your period a little. You won’t have to come back early from Hawaii.”
C: ok
this is not promising
me: When I went in for my screening appointment at the beginning of this cycle, I reiterated my concerns. “I’m going to get my period on the last day of my trip to Hawaii,” I said. “That isn’t a problem?”
“Nope! No worries. Just come in that Monday.”
C: ok
me: So I called them again today to say I ovulated on Saturday (I think), and what happens if I get my period on THURSDAY, and I can’t make it into their office until Monday?
OH!
Chaos!
Must make calls!
C: oh my
me: Eternal hold!
C: yikes
me: “Well, it would be best if you came back a day early. Alternatively, we can put you on this birth control medication to delay your period.”
C: sigh
me: “But we’re not thrilled about it, and we’re totally going to make it seem like you blindsided us and we had no idea this was an issue. Hawaii? what?”
C: suck
me: SUCK
C: so what’s going to happen?
me: Stress makes me cry
I don’t know!
I’ve got the prescription for the birth control
C: that’s horrible
me: but I’ve also called the airline and there are lots of flights the day before
C: good
me: and if I had to, I could leave early
C: yeah
not ideal, but not the end of the world
me: But I don’t know what’s best
so I’ve called the clinic back and left a message saying “please don’t call until you have a few minutes to talk, because I have questions and I don’t want to feel rushed.”
C: does it fuck things up if you take the birth control?
me: I don’t THINK it fucks things up – I think if it did, they wouldn’t offer
but I DON’T KNOW
I don’t know anything
and I feel shitty about it all
/whine
C: I’m sorry
That really sucks
it’s amazing how little foresight these guys have
me: I just feel like yelling, “but I TOLD you about this! I ASKED! You PROMISED!”
Then I realize I’m being 5 years old.
C: well, not really
it’s pretty reasonable for you to feel that way
if you threw yourself on the floor and cried
then you’d be 5 years old
me: But I so want to.
I want to beat my heels on the floor and turn red with screaming.
Then I want someone to give me ice cream to take my mind off of it.
C: all reasonable
actually doing it makes you 5
or B, who does that regularly, actually
sometimes he forgets I’m in the room and then is embarrassed
me: Hey, I had a dream about you last night.
You were a small siamese cat
but you could communicate
C: ooooh
fun
me: And we hung out just as if you weren’t a cat.
C: I wish I were a cat
me: Except I petted you a little more than I normally would.
C: and I was more prone to licking myself and had a bendy spine
me: right
C: funny, last night, I was at B’s and we were talking about how much I want to be a cat
me: that must be why I had the dream
how odd
C: you’re a strange thing
me: I know

*Crisis averted.  Word from the clinic is that they usually put women on these pills before IVF anyway, but for the purposes of the study, they’re not supposed to. But they’re fudging that for me. So it won’t negatively affect the IVF, although it will make me feel bloated and crampy and fairly miserable for maybe a week.
But that week doesn’t start until the end of the vacation, so. Fine.