I am a blue-ribbon hen.

Twenty. I produced twenty eggs. I have been told this is good.

Having been told we should be at the clinic by 11:30am for my 12pm retrieval, we arrived at at 11am. And sat. And waited. And read Us Weekly, because although I had brought What’s the Matter With Kansas, my attention span just wasn’t up for it. Eventually they called Mr. Malaprop into the Pr0n Room, and took me into the procedure room. The anesthetic made the ceiling start to spin, and then I was out. When I woke up, everything hurt. A lot. I remember the doctor patting my leg and saying, “we got twenty eggs!”

“Is that good?” I asked weakly.

“That’s great,” he said. “We’ll call you tomorrow to let you know how many fertilized.” He patted my leg again and left.

Mr. Malaprop came in and held my hand while I lay there, whining softly, until a nurse came in. “I can hear you from way out there! You sound like a cat! I’d better give you some Darvoset.” Fortunately, I was awake enough to fend that off (see below entry about how Darvoset = codeine = puking), so I got some tylenol instead.

After a while, they had me sit up, legs dangling over the edge of the table. This was fine until it suddenly wasn’t, and I knew I was about to pass out. I lay back down. The same nurse who had laughed at my feline whining now brought me apple juice, which made things a little better. I sat up again after about fifteen minutes, and then Mr. Malaprop helped me to get dressed and a nurse wheeled me down to our car.

When I got home, I turned on The Princess Bride, and fell asleep sometime around the Pit of Despair. The rest of the day was spent drifting in and out of sleep, in and out of pain. I ate some toast, took my pills, and tried to drink a lot of water, but the pressure of a swollen bladder on my very tender ovaries was moderately excruciating.

Today I am back at work, though still very tender. I am trying not to jiggle around too much.

And the doctor just called! Because I am lazy, I will just copy another chat session with my friend C.

me: I laid twenty (20) eggs! I just talked to the doctor, and fifteen of the fertilized, but of those, three were abnormal (2 sperm got in), so we’re left with twelve.
Which is, apparently, a whole lot
and because there are so many, he’s going to wait to transfer them until they’re at the blastocyst stage, on Saturday
Because we’ll probably lose some between embryo and blastocyst
Then he’s going to transfer two.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!1
I am closer to pregnant than I ever have been
c: that’s an insane number of eggs
me: I was pretty pleased
c: [who donated eggs when we were in college] I’m apparently super fertile and I think the most I ever came up with was like, 13
me: I was extra-motivated
c: 😉
me: go me! go me!
c: are the other ones frozen?
me: They will be. I think he’s going to grow them all out to blastocysts – the ones that make it – insert two, and freeze the rest.
c: what happens when two sperm get into one egg?
me: I’m not sure what happens, but I imagine it’s an XYY problem
according to the intarwebs – “Successful fertilization requires not only that a sperm and egg fuse, but that not more than one sperm fuses with the egg. Fertilization by more than one sperm – polyspermy – almost inevitably leads to early embryonic death.”
c: polyspermy is a good word
I hope the unpolyspermied eeggs are sitting in your freezer next to the spoogesicles.
what’s a blastocyst?
me: according to the intarwebs again

A blastocyst is an embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization. At this point the embryo has two different cell types and a central cavity. It has just started to differentiate. The surface cells, called the trophectoderm, will become the placenta, and the inner cells, called the inner cell mass, will become the fetus. A healthy blastocyst should begin hatching from its outer shell, called the zona pellucida by the end of the sixth day. Within about 24 hours after hatching, it should begin to implant into the lining of the mother’s uterus.

Also! Bonus!

Transferring blastocysts following IVF also provides another benefit – reduction of the possibility of multiple pregnancy. Some 2 or 3-day-old embryos do not have the capacity to become high quality blastocysts and a viable pregnancy. However, on day two or three of culture we do not have reliable methods to determine which embryos will be viable long-term. By culturing embryos to the blastocyst stage we have more opportunity to choose the most competent ones for transfer. We can then transfer fewer embryos and obtain high pregnancy rates with less risk for high order (triplets or higher) multiple pregnancy.

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2 Comments

  1. Julien Marie said,

    August 4, 2007 at 4:34 pm

    Just be careful if they give you drugs to produce those high egg numbers, because they will make you orgasmically impotent. 😦

  2. msmalaprop said,

    August 13, 2007 at 6:40 pm

    That’s RIDICULOUS. Believe me, I’ve had no trouble orgasming. And if you want to push your snake-oil via your poorly-written website (which I have de-linked from your comment), do it somewhere else, and stop trying to scare women who already have enough stacked against them. Asshole.


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